![]() The last post I wrote and almost published was in March 2018 when I went to an Association of Writers and Publishers (AWP) conference in Florida. I was fortunate to be on a panel discussion along with with Literary Laureate, Nikia Chaney, author of Us Mouth, Allyson Jeffredo author of Songs After Memory Fractures, CSUSB Professor Julie Paegle, author of Twelve Clocks who had been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize and Isabel Quintero author of the award-winning book, Gabby, A Girl in Pieces. Gratefully, I know them all as kind, authentic, giving people who happen to love reading and writing – so I felt included and there was no judgment on whether I should be a panel member. Everyone else had an MFA – and though I have an M.Ed. I felt like I was missing a membership card. It wasn’t anything anyone said or did. No one looked at me with the attitude of – we just included you because you fit some needed visual requirement – like being another woman to round out the panel. It was a great experience in many ways – too many to write about in this one post. Truth be told, I always feel a bit inadequate on panels… what helps me push through is the group Women Who Submit. We recognize and talk about the imposter syndrome – which we acknowledge as a very real thing, as real as a person sitting in a room pointing at you – accusing you of pretending to know how to write. You couldn’t possibly be a writer. Who do you think you are? If you think anyone thinks you are a writer, you are fooling yourself… you are an imposter! According to Psychology Today it is “more prevalent among women, and specifically women of color… and there is not an official psychiatric diagnosis in the DSM for it. Ironically, the title of our panel discussion was Re-defining a Writer’s Success. We came equipped with our own personal experiences of the joy in writing and celebrating our craft first and being mindful of why we write. One of the most pertinent pieces of advice from a panel member was – don’t be afraid to fail. Yes, in WWS we embrace our “rejections” and share them as we share our “acceptances”. It removes some of the sting out of hearing “no”. We do not feel so isolated; it reminds us that it is part of the process and something we all go through. I say we, as though it is something I have been doing. I only started sharing my rejections this year, this month. Before then, I was an observer – but learning perseverance and admiring the process. It is taking me a while to embrace the “no” but watching and learning and taking baby steps helps to stomp out the imposter syndrome. Embracing rejection is now part of my definition of writing success. There are people who count their rejections as a way of letting them know they are doing part three of the hard part of writing: creating-editing-submitting. So, here I am submitting a post for the first time in three years. I am not sending it out to an editor or publisher. Here I get to wear all three hats and the role of editor is the most difficult. Finding the balance is a job unto itself. Some days, I feel like I have the heart of what I want to say completed and my "inner editor" will just allow me to submit a sloppy final paragraph. That is what happened yesterday, and then when I went back and read this post today I was mortified. The highly critical "inner editor" went to work and for a moment I almost took this post down too. But here we are, not perfect - but better and submitted. Note: If you feel you struggle with imposter syndrome, here is a brief article Feeling Like a Fraud? by Kristen Weir and published by the American Psychological Association.
8 Comments
Cati Porter
11/27/2021 11:12:52
Romaine, I so relate to this. And for what it’s worth, any vestiges of imposter syndrome you might have are totally invisible to the public eye. I never would have guessed you struggled with it. While I did finally go back and get an MFA after my kids were in school, I never have gotten a Bachelors and am sorely under-read. I envy people who went to university and took all the general ed classes and in depth classes toward a major because there’s a giant crater where that knowledge should be in my head. What I see when I look at you or read your work is someone educated, eloquent, and independent. You are someone I and many others look up to. Thank you for being so open about your struggles, and for your words.
Reply
12/2/2021 07:33:13
Cati, I have an undergraduate degree and yet I join you in being under-read. I found much assigned reading boring and so turned to Cliff notes, now long forgotten. And what I lack now is an understanding of many references that appear in popular discourse, much less the ability to quote them myself. Youthful arrogance and foolishness.
Reply
Romaine Washington
12/2/2021 17:48:52
I my goodness Lynda, if only my high school students could hear you say this... but - isn't Google great when we suspect there is a literary allusion we are unfamiliar with. 😊
Romaine Washington
12/2/2021 17:47:32
Cati, Thank you for your transparency and sharing your journey... the beautiful thing is it is never too late to read a book.. or 2 or 3. There are so many. You are an active passionate writer in community. We read each other. Thank you!
Reply
11/28/2021 08:09:47
I really appreciate and value these insights. Imposter syndrome for me has always manifested as a sense of non-belonging, of being an outlier, when everyone else was “in.” I agree that connecting with other writers is crucial and being open about our own sense of tentativeness enables us to connect meaningfully and authentically with ourselves! Thank you again!
Reply
Romaine Washington
12/2/2021 17:51:04
Stephanie I never would have known... you are your own "in" - such flair and joie de vivre! I think all writers are outliers in one sense or another and that is part of what pushes us to write - to share our voices - to say hey! I am here - this is what I would like to give to you. You give gems!
Reply
12/2/2021 07:39:19
Romaine, thank you for this! And I applaud your bravery in returning to your blog with it. So far I’ve only seen your writing in this year’s Culturama. But as soon as I heard you participate in my workshop I thought, this woman is the Real Deal.
Reply
Romaine Washington
12/2/2021 17:52:38
Oh my goodness Lynda. Hugs! I loved your workshop! You helped to sit in a place that I visit from the corner of my eye. I love your work and the way you shared yourself in workshop. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
Categories
All
Archives
November 2021
|